Confronting Vanity

There is something of the mind that insists life must play out according to expectations to be worthy of accomplishment. Wrong. Life is mostly out of out minute attempts at control. Life is mostly to be lived, not calculated and manipulated into some sort of synthetic reality that pleases false ideas and insecurities. My world seems to be dinstant from how I ideally want it. If only we were all more beautiful and affluent, we could be better. Vain desire. If only if i could control my every move. Unrealistic expectations.

I am unfullfilled. I do not live to my potential. I do not push myself academically, physically, or spiritually. I fear i am somehow stuck. I will forever numb my pain and insecurities with gluttany. Submitting to ignorance and riding in the exaust of hope and change, until I find myself chasing after nothing. I see things, and want to change them. Fat family and self; change into active and healthy people. Cheap food and immediate satisfaction, into self sustaining joy and self-control. Immature and uncaring friends into affluent well-traveled caregivers. I want a bubble, according to my perfections. A piece of plastic that provides me with all resources and experiences at my fingertips. I want to mingle among the rich and beautiful, and feel their love and acceptence. Make me feel worthy of the best. Burn the fat, give me muscle. Grow hair that falls flawlessly. A reusable canvas to change my outward expression any time i wish. Restore my vision and change my complection into that of a young child. Perfect. I want every gaze to fill my confidence like I am revered. I want to seduce the most elite and supreme. I do not want to settle. I want the latest technology and gadgets to show that i am the greatest. I want to place my self as worthy ro be among the greatest in the world. I want to never think twice about a purchase. I want to buy all my friends the world so they can see what a great person i am. The latest fashion, the most ritzy parties, and biggest events. Take my picture and see everythinh you've ever wanted, because i have it and you do not. You are not as perfect as me and that is your condition, you will not get here. You will be forever substandard to the life i lead. I know the latest news withon the hour. I can defend my moraluity as the upmost truth and right. Thousands look up to me and watch my every move, my every glance, and my every detail. I apologize but this is none of your. So stop reaching in you pathetic attempts. My life will always supercede yours to all means and to every end. I will be truly happy as vanity lifts mt soul to levels you can only dream of. So this is my goodbye, but as for you. . . You'll still be watching, wishing, and admiring- as always.

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